Why am I letting other people control my happiness?
One of my favorite quotes is: "Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket."
I have always done that. I thought that in order to be happy, I needed to have lots of friends and a boyfriend and always be hanging out. That isn't true. Now that all of my friends are married, have boyfriends, or are going on missions, I never hang out anymore. And I guess I should be grateful for that because that's what has lead me to finding out who I am. I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. Maybe someday i'll find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But I can't let being single get me down. Just because I don't go hang out with friends anymore doesn't mean I can't be happy. I define my happiness, not anybody else.
In the time I have had to be by myself, I have just finished up a shoot and scheduled two more for May. I've realized that photography is what I am truly passionate about. It means so much to me. My uncle told me to keep doing photography and to keep expanding, and that's what i'm gonna do. I'm not gonna let slow times get me down. I am going to be a more confident photographer. I'm going to take charge more and make sure that the pictures turn out as good as they possibly can. I hope more than anything that I can get a wedding to do. Why would I give up on something I love more than anything?
In the past, my low self-esteem has held me back and made me unhappy. I was so concerned about what other people thought of me, when it really shouldn't run my life. I am me. I'm completely insane, i'm determined, passionate, curious, shy when I don't know people, loud when you do know me. I'm a car lover. A sports fanatic. A history buff. A movie critic. My own personal DJ. My makeup isn't always perfect, my hair doesn't always stay in place. I don't have the nicest clothes ever. I snort when I laugh. I know my flaws. I am not perfect. But i'm here to be me, not someone else. I'm determined to still be me but better myself so that I talk less and listen more. So I don't judge. So I can be a shoulder to cry on. A friend to laugh with. An advice giver. To be more outgoing and more loving. More kind. But still be me. I will find people who want to be around me because of who I am. I just have to try.
So that's my feelings for today. I'm not changing for anyone. I'm not gonna let other people get me down. I know who I am. And I know what I want. I'm determined to progress in my photography, gain friends that accept me for who I am, and hopefully find someone to be with eventually.
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