-Finding Myself-

These past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to myself and it's got me thinking:

Why am I letting other people control my happiness?

One of my favorite quotes is: "Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket."

I have always done that. I thought that in order to be happy, I needed to have lots of friends and a boyfriend and always be hanging out. That isn't true. Now that all of my friends are married, have boyfriends, or are going on missions, I never hang out anymore. And I guess I should be grateful for that because that's what has lead me to finding out who I am. I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy. Maybe someday i'll find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But I can't let being single get me down. Just because I don't go hang out with friends anymore doesn't mean I can't be happy. I define my happiness, not anybody else.

In the time I have had to be by myself, I have just finished up a shoot and scheduled two more for May. I've realized that photography is what I am truly passionate about. It means so much to me. My uncle told me to keep doing photography and to keep expanding, and that's what i'm gonna do. I'm not gonna let slow times get me down. I am going to be a more confident photographer. I'm going to take charge more and make sure that the pictures turn out as good as they possibly can. I hope more than anything that I can get a wedding to do. Why would I give up on something I love more than anything?

In the past, my low self-esteem has held me back and made me unhappy. I was so concerned about what other people thought of me, when it really shouldn't run my life. I am me. I'm completely insane, i'm determined, passionate, curious, shy when I don't know people, loud when you do know me. I'm a car lover. A sports fanatic. A history buff. A movie critic. My own personal DJ. My makeup isn't always perfect, my hair doesn't always stay in place. I don't have the nicest clothes ever. I snort when I laugh. I know my flaws. I am not perfect. But i'm here to be me, not someone else. I'm determined to still be me but better myself so that I talk less and listen more. So I don't judge. So I can be a shoulder to cry on. A friend to laugh with. An advice giver. To be more outgoing and more loving. More kind. But still be me. I will find people who want to be around me because of who I am. I just have to try.

So that's my feelings for today. I'm not changing for anyone. I'm not gonna let other people get me down. I know who I am. And I know what I want. I'm determined to progress in my photography, gain friends that accept me for who I am, and hopefully find someone to be with eventually.

I know exactly who I am. Do you?

Tagged..!!

1. share the rules.

2. post a photo & 11 random facts about yourself.

11 facts about me-


1- My biggest passion in life is photography.
     2- I am going to college to become a history teacher. Preferably U.S.
  3- I am deathly afraid of heights, tight spaces, clowns, and sharks.
       4- I love people with accents: Southern, Australian, British, whatever.
 5- I snort when I laugh.
         6- I want to marry a cowboy.
    7- I love playing and watching softball/baseball.
8- I dream of going to Paris someday.
       9- I try to be happy at all times and love my life.
 10- I have a 3 page bucket list that I plan on finishing.
     11- I'm a big time clutz.

3. answer the questions asked of you.

1-top 5 people you're closest to. and why.

-My mom. I have always been a momma's girl and I love her so much. She is the best mom ever.

-My sister Brooke. Now that she got married, I love every time we do something together. 

-Jenny. She is my best friend.

-Tyler. He is my other best friend. 

-My Heavenly Father. I strive to have a very close and personal relationship with my father in heaven and I wouldn't have it any other way. He knows me better than anybody ever has or will.

2-biggest pet peeve. and why.

Oh no, when people say "i'm not laughing at you i'm laughing with you." well. I'm not laughing so let me know how that one works out for you point dexter.

3-which of the five senses you couldn't live without. and why.

My sight. Wanting to be a photographer, I heavily rely on my sight. I would go completely crazy if I couldn't take  pictures.

4-what you wish you could change about your current circumstance. and how you are going to change it.

I wish I wasn't hurting so badly for money. I have to pay for my car and i'll have to pay for tuition soon and i'm having a hard time coming up with the money, so I will work as much as I can this summer and continue to pay a full tithe.

5-favorite band. favorite artist. favorite song. and how each of them make you feel.

My favorite band would have to be Lady Antebellum. They are amazing and I just love how they sound together. My favorite artist is by far Keith Urban. He is fantastic! I know this may sound a little weird, but I get really excited when I listen to him. My favorite song is "Making Memories of Us" by Keith Urban. Of course. I couldn't listen to that song for a long time because of who it was linked to and it made me cry, but now when I listen to it I just feel extremely calm and I love it.

6-honest opinion of how you view yourself.

Honestly, there are quite a few things I would like to change about myself physically. Let's just say I don't exactly have the highest self esteem ever, but I have learned that I need to love myself the way I am and I can say that I accept myself more now than I used to.

7-one talent you wish you had. and why.

I wish I could sing and or play the piano. I never took piano lessons and I hear these people playing beautiful songs on the piano and I wish I could do that as well. I also wish I could sing cause i'm pretty sure I make dogs howl when I sing in my car.

8-dream future spouse characteristics.

He has to be able to make me laugh. He has to treat me with respect and not tear me down. He has to be a worthy priesthood holder that can take me to the temple. He has to be good with kids and he has to have a testimony of the church. Physical looks aren't important to me except that he has to be taller than me. But if I had my choice, he would have dark hair, tan skin, dark brown or blue eyes and he would be built. Not too muscular, just enough.

9-best compliment you've ever received.

That I am beautiful. It's something I never really believe when I look at myself so when someone tells you that it makes you feel good.

10-when you realized who you were. and what your purpose was.

Actually this just barely happened a couple of months ago when I received my patriarchal blessing. It's amazing what Heavenly Father's opinion of you can do for you. I now know why I am here and what I am supposed to do and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

11-list of 7 things you are most grateful for. and why.

1-My family. I would never be able to get by without them and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for their examples in my life.

2-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It guides my every action in my life. I would be so lost without the knowledge and reassurance that it gives me

3-The amazing friends I have been blessed with. They are a huge reason I am the way I am now and I really wouldn't be able to get by without them.

4-My job. Even though I get really frustrated with it at times, I am so grateful to have  a steady job in an economy where so many people don't have that stability.

5-My home and everything that my parents provide me with so that I can live comfortably.

6-The chance I have to go to college to get a degree in something that I actually want to do when I graduate.

7-I'm grateful to be me.

Signs..

Today in relief society I had probably one of the most amazing, most touching lessons I have ever had in 18 years of going to church..

We were showed this video..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU

That video is so powerful to me. How many of us go about our days carrying heavy burdens like this man? He is blind and needs help, and a girl comes along and helps him. I feel like all of us are going through very trying times in each of our lives. Our trials are designed specifically for us. And I feel like people these days are so unkind and inconsiderate of people and it makes me sick.

How do you feel when you are going through a very hard time in your life and someone is so rude to you that it just pushes you to the edge?

Do you wish that you could just put a sign around your neck explaining what you are going through?

I know this post is kind of heavy, but I challenge you to think before you act. Think about what people could be going through. Think of their burdens, their hardships, their trials. Be more considerate of people. Be like the girl in this video and help everyone around us, for everyone needs it.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato

Captured Moments..

This week I had to give a presentation in my public speaking class and my professor said to make sure that you choose something that you are passionate about.. As I thought about what I would do for my topic, of course there was one thing that immediately popped into my head:

Photography

Of course. Plain and simple. So as I was working on it, it got me thinking about why I love photography so much, and today as I was feeding my obsession (Pinterest, of course) I found this quote that I absolutely love...

That's what photography is. Capturing people. Capturing their personalities, their qualities, everything, at that one instant in time. The person they were when that picture was taken will be forever captured in that one simple picture. Many people see photography as just a way to make themselves look good. Go get your pictures done, they make you look good, and bing bang boom, you have some new profile picture for facebook or whatever. What people don't understand is that it's so much more than that. Pictures are a way that people express themselves..
I know I have a hard time expressing myself sometimes.. I can't put into words what i'm feeling or what's going through my head, but when I pick up my camera, my emotions just spill into my work. I can tell what mood i was in when I look back at the pictures i've done, I remember people exactly how people where when I took the picture opposed to how they are now. I can see huge changes in the people i've taken pictures of from how they were then to how they are now.  Photography just captures moments that in time, we wont be able to remember on our own. Photography remembers things long after we have forgotten them.

Photography is also a way to express the person you are photographing..

I feel like nowadays photographers are so set in their style so they mold the people they are shooting to fit their way of doing things. I think this is wrong. The pictures are theirs! Not the photographers. Technically, the photographer took them so they are their work, but they're for the people they are taking the pictures of. Photographers need to let their subjects personalities show. Not suppress them into their way of doing things. Do what THEY want, not what the photographer wants. If it wasn't for the subjects, there wouldn't be anybody to take pictures of in the first place. The photographer can help come up with ideas and help make things flow better, but the subjects need to have a say in how their pictures look and what they are doing in them.

Anyway, there's my venting on that subject...

I guess the point of my post today is to find something you are passionate about. I found what I love and it's the greatest thing ever.

-Moments of Impact-

This weekend I went and saw The Vow with my best friend, and it got me thinking...

My favorite quote from that movie is...

"Life's all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever."

-Leo

What if I hadn't met some of the people I have throughout my life? What if I hadn't experienced some of the things that I have? Who would I be? Where would I be? Who would be in my life now? What would I be doint with my life?

After thinking about this quote for the last few days, I really think that I have had thousands of moments of impact in my life that I never really paid attention to before. Moments of impact that have changed me. Whether it was someone I met, something I did, or something someone did for me. A mistake I made. A trial I faced. A heartbreak. Thousands of moments have changed me. Made me into the person I am today. I cherish my memories more than anything. I can't even imagine having something happen to me and not being able to remember the last 5 years of my life. I wouldn't remember who I am. Who my friends are. The one's I love. The things that interest me. I would have my whole high school life erased. All the things I experienced. I would not be able to live without my memories. I would be so lost if I didn't have my past to look back to.

There is another quote from The Vow that says..

             How do you look at the [one] you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?

                                         -Leo

As I was watching this, I noticed that it hit my best friend really hard, and she told me why after. And I thought to myself,

       "How many times have I had to do that?"

It really is one of the hardest things ever. To care about someone so much and know that they dont care about you back. You really do have to tell yourself it's time to talk away. If you're in a bad relationship, listen to this quote. If you aren't happy with relationship you have, listen to this. Yes, it's hard to walk away from someone you care about so much. Trust me, I know. But in the end, it's worth it. It's hard for a while and you might think you can't get through it, but you can. It gets better. It all starts with telling yourself that it's time. In high school, I had a boyfriend that cheated on me. When the truth finally came out, he chose her. Not me. He told me he'd come back after he was done dating her. He never did. I finally realized that it was all a lie and had to tell myself...

             "Okay Jess, it's time to walk away. This is doing nothing but destroying you."

If I wouldn't have walked away, I might still have feelings for that boy today. I wouldn't be where I am today. But because I did, my life is amazing. I have great people in my lfie and i'm not weighed down with that burden.

Today, I Vow...

         -To always keep some record of my memories. [This will be easiest for me to keep up with my blog]

              If I ever lost my memory, I would need to have my memories written down.

               So I Vow to always update my blog and take LOTS of pictures!

     -To always cherish the relationships I have and never take anything for granted.

          -To never get caught up in my past again. I will not be weighed down by things that happened to me

             because they all changed me for the better.

     -Lastly, I Vow that when I find the one i'm going to marry in the future, I will love him as deeply as

           Paige and Leo do in The Vow.

"I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love."

                           "I vow to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home."

Friends are what I live for..

I came across this quote the other day and it got me thinking..

This last week i've really been thinking about who I have met in my life and the reasons why I am where I am today. The first thing that comes to my mind are my best friends. Some i've known longer than others, some i've been closer to than others, but I love them all none the less.

What a weekend..!!

Brad Paisley! What a concert!

Well, this weekend was extremely fantastic! First of all, getting the surprise of a lifetime when I found out that me and Jenny were going to see Brad Paisley!! It was a fantastic night filled with Scotty McCreery (our love), The Band Perry (who are amazing), and of course, Mr. Brad Paisley. I may or may not have been so excited that I threw my phone, but that's okay. It really was such an amazing concert because they are all extremely talented people and it was definately one of the best nights ever! Then on saturday, hanging out with Jenny, Ty, and Rory was pretty much fantastic. Let's just say,

Boondock's gave us some great prizes and some very good laughs (a.k.a. the awkward boy that helped us get our prizes.. Jenny you'll get that) :] We found out we like to wear our sunglasses at night and some very talented dancers performed for us ;] haha, but nothing that happened this weekend beats getting my patriarchal blessing. It really was the most amazing experience I have ever had in my life and I have never felt so blissfully happy as I did in those moments that I was recieving my blessing. I am so incredibly grateful to be a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I do have an extremely powerful testimony of its truth. I hope to live my life in a way that I will always be worthy to recieve the blessings promised to me in my blessing and I hope to fufill all of the things mentioned in it. What a weekend.. <3